Principle, Not Personalities.
How do you raise your kids?
Mine would probably say by ball and chain. Well, ok, that is until they get a bit older and get some experience under their belts. Then they see that mom and dad are consistent. We base the rules we live by and move our family by principles and not the personalities or feelings of the moment.
The advantage of principles is that they are the same now as they were with Adam and Eve. They’ll be the same long after I’m gone. Doesn’t matter the circumstances, the threats, the whining, the tantrums or the deception…the principles remain the same.
That means you can count on them. It means the decision in compromising situations has already been made and when all is said and done, you will be a parent known for your solid foundation that your children, believe it or not, will eventually admire and (hopefully) emulate.
Read MoreTHE CROCODILE SYSTEM OF LIFE.
Used with permission from Roger Anthony and Crocodiles International.
“All of nature is organized into perfectly balanced and timed systems. From the motion of endless galaxies in the universe, to the specific orientation of electrons that give each element its unique identity, everything in nature operates as part of a system in exact accordance with its design.
However in the dynamic realm of human performance, there are only two types of systems that govern our behavior…and therefore our lives, those that produce control and the resultant emotions of peace, happiness and joy equating to inner contentment, and those that produce chaos and the resultant negative emotions of fear, unhappiness and joylessness equating to inner discontentment.
All we need to do is to understand and have the courage to abide by the laws that govern the human emotional and behavioral system of integrity and reap the above-mentioned rewards.
Manipulate the system in any way either knowingly or unknowingly and we will by natural law suffer negative consequences!”
The Crocodiles not Waterlilies System Model.
The Crocodile Systems Model is extremely simple, and is best explained this way
System:
- Everything in the Universe operates within a System there is nothing that functions outside of a system… Absolutely nothing!
- There are two types of system:
- Those that are based on principles of integrity and thus naturally produce stability, control and harmony.
- Those that are based on that lack integrity and thus naturally produce instability, weakness and disharmony.
Teams:
- All Systems are made up of individual team members.
- By way of explanation, even something as mundane and as a simple as a White Board Marker is a System.
As with all Systems, it’s made up of individual parts or team members.
The team members are; an outer case, a lid, a pocket clip, ink, a felt tip, signage that indicates the color and type of ink, a colored lid indicating the color of the ink, and a shape designed to be held easily when scribing.
(Note: At the atomic and sub atomic levels there are other team members to consider, which we have not included in this example)
Control:
If the manufacturer has the job right, then we can rely on the parts (individual team members) to work together in integrity with the makers specifications, guaranteeing that that we can trust the marker to perform without leaking, or worse, disintegrating in our hands.
In other words, if the team members are operating in Integrity with each other, then the entire system is functioning in accordance with its design, thus producing control and stability.
However, if one or more of the team members are not performing as they were designed to do, the entire system becomes compromised! It lacks Integrity, thus becoming out of control and unstable.
Summary:
- Everything in the universe operates within a system.
- All systems are made up of individual team members.
- In broad terms, there are only two groups of systems.
- Systems based on the principles of integrity: causing each team member to operate in synergistic collaboration and cooperation with each other producing positive control, harmony and stability.
- Systems based on principles that oppose integrity: causing team member to operate in conflict with each other producing lack of control, discord and instability.
With this simple model in mind, and remembering that it applies to everything in the universe, it’s not difficult to see why in the field of personal mastery, some people feel in control of their lives and others feel out of control.
At the risk of being judged as naïve, because of my simplistic approach to life, I provide the following facts related to the field of Personal Mastery discovered in my sojourn here on Earth.
- The Team Members that make up the system of Personal Mastery are the universal principles and associated laws that govern our lives.
- If we live in harmony with the principles that were divinely created/designed for us to anchor our lives to, the laws governing the system, guarantee a life of true success leading to Peace Happiness and Joy equating to Inner Contentment.
- If we elect to follow the system but don’t apply the governing principles with their associated laws, we can’t expect positive results. By default, and most likely in ignorance, we choose to operate in a system of Personal Failure instead of Personal Mastery.
- When we feel out of control, it’s simply because we are not functioning in accordance with our divine design, and as such are not living in harmony with the principles of Personal Mastery that guarantee success.
- It’s the system that determines the outcome!
- Change the system and we change the outcome!
- If one is unhappy with ones life, we simply need to change the system and we change the outcome!
Parenting: The catch 22
It was a long but good weekend, starting off with Cesilea’s 18th birthday, charged with loud and excited youth in celebration of another semi-adult joining their tribe.
Saturday and Sunday brought some challenges in reminders of how our parenting style and system has changed over the years. It came up while observing Jami Taylor and Ethany coming out of their room several times in the late evening (when they’re supposed to be a asleep), to tattle on siblings when it was completely unnecessary.
Parents have a difficult job, just from the duty of providing and caring for the physical needs of a child. With each new life comes an unlimited string of variables no one can predict, from personality traits to when the dog might be shaved bald and painted an off pink. Now compound that stress level by having the responsibility of providing their emotional, mental and spiritual needs as well. This is no easy task.
The main catch 22 of the parenting equation, however, is the job itself.
You see, while you have your offspring under a microscope, they have one firmly fixed on you as well.
Babies are MEANT to be cute, so you totally forget what they'll be like once they're teenagers...
As young children grow into teenagers and momentarily become retarded by the ‘I know more than you could possibly understand’ gene, they fail to realize that we as parents are plagued by a no win situation. We are trying to teach and guide while trying to learn and grow ourselves. This also means we, as the parents make mistakes and errors in our judgment as we try to perfect our job.
Heaven forbid! Mistakes you say? Aye, mistakes.
Yet children, whether it be from a genetic predisposition or simple youth prejudice, rarely give us the benefit of the doubt (or leeway) they openly and boldly demand (or hope) we give them. We have the double burden of trying to teach our kids while being examples worthy of emulation, while they scrape our tired, spent bodies across their unyielding microscope looking for flaws.
When my oldest children approached me not long ago and asked why I didn’t treat them the same way I do their little siblings, all I could do was shrug my shoulders and give them hugs.
“I didn’t know how to do that when you were little. I’m sorry.”
It’s actually a profound revelation for teenagers if you can sit them down to have arational talk on this subject, but for those who simply have a house full of hormone dominant teenagers who can only see their one point of view, take heart. You’re far from alone.
It happens to every single parent on planet Earth.
Welcome to the club.
Read MoreRights of a Child
Kathi and I were driving downtown Salt Lake City, and she brought up something interesting after hearing about the increased popularity of this blog.
“I’m just talking about what I’m passionate about, hun.” I said.
“Which is why I think you should do a series. A specific series on the ‘rights of children’, but not from a childs point of view, but rather a parents point of view.” she replied.
She then proceeded to go through a list of topics that revolve around our own household. The principles we teach our own children and stand firm upon. I noticed in our conversation the tendency parents have in assuming we are supporting our children’s rights, when in fact we hinder them…or worse.
- Me with my son Nathan as a Baby on his first trip to Hogal Zoo.
If we are to stand blameless and give our offspring the fighting chance, or even a hope of surviving this growing aggressive environment, shouldn’t we take the time to inventory our actions? Take the time to see where we actually are with our kids and make the corrections needed?
Well that is my intention over the next little while, to write from my own family’s perspective of what child’s rights actually are. I will cover them subject by subject, outlined with my wife to get the father’s AND mothers view. I hope you’re as excited as I am to take a brutal look at ourselves as I delve into the ‘why’s’ and well as the ‘how’s’ of this touchy set of subjects: Rights of a Child.
I hope you will join me next week as these articles begin the new year with a solid foundation of parenting principles.
Have a great weekend!
-Jaime Buckley
Read MoreTeach them when they’re young.
Last night I had a parents dream and nightmare mixed together. A young man knew my oldest daughter turned 18 last Sunday and he came to our home and asked to court her.
You say: The guy actually asked your permission?
Yup.
You say: Did my daughter know it happened?
Yup. She was sitting there with me, the young man and her mother. I asked him some questions, his intent, and when I got bored, stood up and got something to eat from the kitchen–shouting back “Keep going, I’m listening.”
Now call me old fashioned, weird, a tyrant, it doesn’t matter–because I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of my choices when it comes to parenting. I will gladly accept support, but not interested in the least when it comes to criticism of the principles I live by. I love my kids. Enough to set bounds, to set rules and to teach them values that will enable them to look back on their lives WITHOUT REGRET.
If I feel it’s getting difficult to be a parent, all I have to do is look at the examples around me. It makes me shutter, slap myself across the face and get my parental priorities straight…especially when a hefty majority of our youth (not even old enough to drive) are off doing who-knows-what, making MANY of them into instant parents! Yeah, they’re ready for that one!
Here’s the clincher for you parents: My daughter sat there in full confidence, appreciation and gratitude, willing to follow my decision with full purpose of heart. Why would that be? She’s not afraid of me. Kathi and I have taught her to think for herself and can hold her own in any debate I’ve engaged in, or listened to.
There are many men who have wanted to get to know my daughter. At the same time, my children are not raised in an environment where prowling predators who cant keep their peters in their pants can get to them. We have a structured household, with strict rules that promote freedom. True freedom. Not chaos. Not promiscuity. Not abuse. Not disrespect. So my daughter knew what i expected of her, and what I will demand of anyone who desires to get close to this family.
This young man knew my rules. He knew I would not bend and you know what? I watched this young man in many situations for the past 3-4 YEARS. There was something about him that I liked, because he was NOT part of my family, but he had similar traits, adhered to most of the same rules, and I got to know his father, his mother, his siblings…all in regular, everyday situations over time, so I had information.
I had a talk with my daughter in private, because her word was the final decision. Though I love her and taught her my will and backed it with the why’s, she’s old enough to take responsibility for herself. Her feelings and desires mean a great deal to me. All I can do is guide at this point.
This was important to her. I felt the same. So did her mother.
My oldest is courting. With my blessing and support.
She has always known what has been expected of her and we have always held her accountable.
How do you interact with your child?
Read MoreMy Latest Book
