Mothers Day
What did you do for your mother on Mothers Day?
I know I should try and say something profound, maybe something pithy, but I’m at a loss.
My mom died in 2006 in a car accident. My mother in law gets bombarded with cards made from my children. Kathi doesn’t give a fat jockey about the holiday (she can’t stand most holidays except birthdays)…so I’m not sure there’s much for me to say.
I miss my mom.
You never know when loved ones will be gone for good. Don’t waste a moment if you have the opportunity. Make sure you tell them you love them, especially and most specifically your mother. She gave you life, she cared for you and most likely cleaned up things that would make the Roto-Rooter man puke.
Don’t assume they know you love them. Tell them.
Don’t end up like me, plagued with sorrow because the last time you spoke to your mom, you had a heated disagreement instead of a hug and kind word.
Trust me on this one.
-Jaime Buckley
Read MoreYour mother, my beloved.
Dear Children,
I’m a strict parent. I know it’s not a secret and that will not change. Each family member has duties, responsibilities and rules to follow so we can achieve and maintain our happy little home. Doesn’t always work, I know, but you have all seen that it works far more than not. Your mother and I love each other and we love all of you dearly. We base our decisions upon principle, not the popular whims of your friends or their own families, which at times has caused friction between us. The rest of the chaos in our home is based on selfishness. Feelings so important to us that we simply will not listen to another point of view or humble ourselves to be instructed by those with more wisdom and experience.
I’ve tried to show you that most of the worlds problems are from nothing more than a root in selfishness. Think about that one for a spell and see where you come up. Blame world hunger, war, the bad politicians we have in every facet of this government on whatever else you like, but 9 out of 10 times it’s gonna be complete horse crap.
It all eventually comes down to selfishness.
In this family, there is a patriarchal order. You don’t have to agree with that, doesn’t matter in the least because this family is not a democracy. You may elect to establish one in your own family someday, but in this family, everyone has a place and a measure of respect, simply because of who you are. I don’t yell at you or spank you or even ground you. I talk with you and strive to work out the problems between us. I love you. You’re part of our family unit and that means something, from birth to death. It means something to me, your father.
However, in this family you must realize mom is the Queen.
I love each of you children with all my heart. I would die for you and take life for you, but someday each and every one of you are going to leave this home and start families or lives of your own. What will remain is your mother and I. She doesn’t know this, but one of the things I felt when we met so long ago, was an excitement about growing old together. To care for her, protect her and cherish her forever.
I loved her first. I loved her the most. I will love her last.
You don’t understand this yet, but the love I have for your mother cannot be defined. Not without making it sound less than what it truly is. Words truly cannot describe the experiences of growing old together and building dreams together, sharing the pain and suffering, the stress and grief along with untold joy. You must experience it for yourself.
Just know this: I choose her.
If you act in such a way as to divide this house and make me choose, you will lose every time. I am on the side of correct principle. Your mother also lives by principle and is why she holds the respect of so many, including myself. You fight her because of your selfishness, wanting to have your choices supported, regardless of who they may hurt. I caution you not to alienate your greatest defender…because she has kept your butts away from many a swatting over the years.
She is the mercy in our home. I am not. Keep that in mind.
Know that when you step outside the bounds of your place and bring disrespect upon this family and most particularly upon your own mother, you chose to go where I cannot follow. At that point, she no longer stands as your mother. She then becomes my wife and I will defend and protect her from you.
As your father I have many expectations, hopes, desires and requests. However, I have one absolute demand:
Respect and honor your mother. She is Queen of my heart, my home and my family. She is my life, my love and my beloved. God help any person who wounds her heart and gets within my reach.
She brought you into this life, bearing you in pain and anguish. Has raised you in love, caring for you, cooking for you, cleaning your clothes and educating you. She deals with your tantrums, your misconceptions, open rebellions and unrighteous accusations. Yet she bears with you in patience, in love and cares for you regardless, unwilling to leave you to your own design. All these things she does to help you develop and have a good life. Above all, she is your advocate with me, when many times you act in such a way I felt it would be wise to simply make another.
You are free to feel as you wish towards me, but I’m here as your father first, then your friend, not the reverse. I now draw the line at your feet and plead with you not to cross it.
Please, respect and love your mother.
This is non negotiable.
Love,
Your Father.
Read MoreTeach them when they’re young.
Last night I had a parents dream and nightmare mixed together. A young man knew my oldest daughter turned 18 last Sunday and he came to our home and asked to court her.
You say: The guy actually asked your permission?
Yup.
You say: Did my daughter know it happened?
Yup. She was sitting there with me, the young man and her mother. I asked him some questions, his intent, and when I got bored, stood up and got something to eat from the kitchen–shouting back “Keep going, I’m listening.”
Now call me old fashioned, weird, a tyrant, it doesn’t matter–because I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of my choices when it comes to parenting. I will gladly accept support, but not interested in the least when it comes to criticism of the principles I live by. I love my kids. Enough to set bounds, to set rules and to teach them values that will enable them to look back on their lives WITHOUT REGRET.
If I feel it’s getting difficult to be a parent, all I have to do is look at the examples around me. It makes me shutter, slap myself across the face and get my parental priorities straight…especially when a hefty majority of our youth (not even old enough to drive) are off doing who-knows-what, making MANY of them into instant parents! Yeah, they’re ready for that one!
Here’s the clincher for you parents: My daughter sat there in full confidence, appreciation and gratitude, willing to follow my decision with full purpose of heart. Why would that be? She’s not afraid of me. Kathi and I have taught her to think for herself and can hold her own in any debate I’ve engaged in, or listened to.
There are many men who have wanted to get to know my daughter. At the same time, my children are not raised in an environment where prowling predators who cant keep their peters in their pants can get to them. We have a structured household, with strict rules that promote freedom. True freedom. Not chaos. Not promiscuity. Not abuse. Not disrespect. So my daughter knew what i expected of her, and what I will demand of anyone who desires to get close to this family.
This young man knew my rules. He knew I would not bend and you know what? I watched this young man in many situations for the past 3-4 YEARS. There was something about him that I liked, because he was NOT part of my family, but he had similar traits, adhered to most of the same rules, and I got to know his father, his mother, his siblings…all in regular, everyday situations over time, so I had information.
I had a talk with my daughter in private, because her word was the final decision. Though I love her and taught her my will and backed it with the why’s, she’s old enough to take responsibility for herself. Her feelings and desires mean a great deal to me. All I can do is guide at this point.
This was important to her. I felt the same. So did her mother.
My oldest is courting. With my blessing and support.
She has always known what has been expected of her and we have always held her accountable.
How do you interact with your child?
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