Rights of a Child: Love
The basic foundation principle of a parent, at least in my own mind, should be love.
Now love is actually a big subject, especially when the world has distorted, misused, chopped up, mutilated and all but destroyed the definition of the word. From a loving mother, holding her new child in her arms after birth, whispering it for the first time….to the perversions of what Hollywood would have you believe, “Love” is defined as many things.
We have tough love, unconditional love, paternal love, brotherly love, the love between a husband and wife, even a ‘love of violence’. So where do we place ourselves as parents when it comes to love in conjunction with out little ones?
I have spent some time reading, talking with my children and even heard a great sermon in church Sunday ON Love, and it deserves to be looked at closely.
My sweet little daughter: Leilani Alyse Uapafutiolevaaoalii Buckley
In wondering how my children felt, I set my yellow pad down and called out to a few of my older children, Cesilea (18), Leilani (15) and Jessica (14). I asked them if they knew mom and I loved them. They just chuckled and said “Of course!” But when I asked them how, they looked puzzled. They couldn’t clarify at first. Nothing came to any of them, until Ditto (Cesilea) jabbed Leilani in the shoulder and laughed: “I know you love Lei, because you didn’t send her back for a working model!”.
It took them some time, but they finally told me they knew they were loved because of a structure we had in our home. When they thought about it, every action and decision Kathi and I made concerning them was engineered for their development. For their progression and their good. Ditto added that the pattern was there, even when they didn’t see it at first.
There were times when my children interacted with their friends, and they would witness conduct from their friends towards their parents, especially the mothers which would make them cringe. It was completely unacceptable behavior and they would come home, embarrassed for themselves…and their friends. “Why would they do that (or say that) to their own mother?” they would ask. Oh, my kids have struggles like any other youth, and they have good days and bad days. My goal is just to help them have far more of the good days.
I took the question next to my Sunday School class. I’m a strict adult, very abrupt, but for some strange reason, the kids want me back every year. That’s gone on for nearly 15 years now.
Standing before 14 twelve year olds (mostly girls), I snapped “Do I hate you guys?”
The room burst into giggles and an occasional laugh. “No.” they replied.
“But I yell at you often!” I bellowed.
One young lady smiled back. “But you love love us anyway.”
I smiled back. They were right. I loved each of them and prided myself on having the brightest kids in Church. Hmmm. I don’t hug them. I don’t change their diapers or feed them. In fact, I tell them stories and frequently call them ‘little craps’ when they act badly. Yet they come back, week after week, parents thank me and say their child has never loved church so much as in that class.
So what kind of love produces that type of result? Is it the same type of love my own children experience in our family?
Read MoreRights of a Child: The Child Itself
The state of the world disturbs me. It becomes almost unbearable to listen to the current news, to read the newspapers and listen to the lives taken, the violence, the atrocities against children in every part of the world…especially in our own backyard. As a father of 10+1 and a brother of 18, the thought of a person harming a child turns my stomach.
Its been burning in my mind and I want to share my own opinion with you in the hopes that you’ll share your views with me. To share with those out there looking for the strength to stand up for their own beliefs, hopefully raising the bar of parenthood. I know it’s a lofty goal, but it’s worth the fight.
It all started as a conversation with Kathi (my sweet wife) as we drove in the car, talking about this blog and how I wanted to share hope through Wanted Hero (my comics and novels). We talked about the Rights of Children and how we as adults have a distorted perspective at times when it comes to what our children actually have rights to, or miss what we should be addressing altogether.
My baby girl Carley Rosina, named after my mom.
First off, shouldn’t we look at the child in and of itself? When a child is brought into this world, it (he/she) comes with a set of obligations on our part. It comes with the child’s creation, because its something WE did. We CHOSE to use our bodies in such a way to create another. Make excuses if you think it’ll help, but once you engage with the opposite sex, you are electing to start a process which creates a drive to make a child. You are responsible.
Now consider that child. It is the weakest creature born on planet Earth in the animal kingdom. When they are born they require immediate and constant care, being completely dependent upon others (it’s parents) for its survival. It cannot walk, communicate or feed itself. You called. It came. Now what?
Too many parents or those contemplating parenthood consider this a ‘pastime’ rather than a life mission. Unfortunately I had many friends who’s parents didn’t show more than mild acknowledgment towards them, and they spent most of their time at my own home. In many instances it was the pursuit of worldly goods, rather than family excellence. Not the required day-to-day needs, but the pursuit of toys, fine clothes and status symbols of various types.
My little buddy, Simon Paul (age 3).
It’s not good enough to simply bring a child into existence, providing nothing more than sustenance and leaving it to its own design. It is your responsibility to provide a foundation for your child to grow and become a productive member of society with the skill set to provide for it’s own comfort and the ability to improve upon all it has and has become.
Namely Love, Security & Education.
Read MoreThe Perfect Woman
I don’t want to end the day on a down note, and while I was writing Wanted Hero my wife called.
Just hearing her voice still puts butterflies in my stomach and a smile on my face. I hung up with a sigh and started thinking how absolutely lucky I happen to be. Well, blessed–I don’t believe in luck. It got me feeling sorry for the men out there who just don’t get it. You know ladies, the ones that just don’t want to listen, or get to know you. They don’t apparently see the value in winning the heart of a ‘real’ woman. Frankly I would call you “perfect”.
Now, anyone can disagree with me…I can’t fix stupid, but I believe that women are naturally better than men. I know, there are exceptions and even I’ve met a few–but on average, women are so magnificent simply due to their fundamental nature. A natural love and affection for others, and when a woman has intelligence, she truly shines.
Kathilynn is my greatest councilor, helping me to see aspects I would normally miss. To be another set of eyes, a softer heart, the mercy to my rough and harsh justice. Yet the greatest beauty I see in most women I know, my wife and our friends…is the ability to ‘see’ with their hearts.
I asked my sweetheart not long ago why she chose me over all the men who adored her. There was no lack in attention, and I was the one without the job, without the social status, without the money, cars…I just scraped by.
She said she could ‘see’ me. Not who I was then and there, but when we were together, she could see and feel what I would become, and she fell in love with that.
If you’re a male and don’t realize the value in that, God help you.
She kissed me and gave me that amazing smile, then leaned in to whisper: “I not only love you…I like you, and if I had the choice before me, I would do this all over again. Bumps and all.”
Wow. A perfect woman gentlemen, is one that can look us up and down, clearly see the baggage we carry…and choose to love us to a higher existence. It doesn’t get better than that.
Let’s live up to the blessings we already have.
Read MoreMy Latest Book
