Rights of a Child: The Child Itself

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 11, 2010 in Family, Jaime Journal, Parenting, Rights of a Child | 1 comment

The state of the world disturbs me. It becomes almost unbearable to listen to the current news, to read the newspapers and listen to the lives taken, the violence, the atrocities against children in every part of the world…especially in our own backyard. As a father of 10+1 and a brother of 18, the thought of a person harming a child turns my stomach.

Its been burning in my mind and I want to share my own opinion with you in the hopes that you’ll share your views with me. To share with those out there looking for the strength to stand up for their own beliefs, hopefully raising the bar of parenthood. I know it’s a lofty goal, but it’s worth the fight.

It all started as a conversation with Kathi (my sweet wife) as we drove in the car, talking about this blog and how I wanted to share hope through Wanted Hero (my comics and novels). We talked about the Rights of Children and how we as adults have a distorted perspective at times when it comes to what our children actually have rights to, or miss what we should be addressing altogether.

My baby girl Carley Rosina, named after my mom.

First off, shouldn’t we look at the child in and of itself? When a child is brought into this world, it (he/she) comes with a set of obligations on our part. It comes with the child’s creation, because its something WE did. We CHOSE to use our bodies in such a way to create another. Make excuses if you think it’ll help, but once you engage with the opposite sex, you are electing to start a process which creates a drive to make a child. You are responsible.

Now consider that child. It is the weakest creature born on planet Earth in the animal kingdom. When they are born they require immediate and constant care, being completely dependent upon others (it’s parents) for its survival. It cannot walk, communicate or feed itself. You called. It came. Now what?

Too many parents or those contemplating parenthood consider this a ‘pastime’ rather than a life mission. Unfortunately I had many friends who’s parents didn’t show more than mild acknowledgment towards them, and they spent most of their time at my own home.  In many instances it was the pursuit of worldly goods, rather than family excellence.  Not the required day-to-day needs, but the pursuit of toys, fine clothes and status symbols of various types.

My little buddy, Simon Paul (age 3).

It’s not good enough to simply bring a child into existence, providing nothing more than sustenance and leaving it to its own design. It is your responsibility to provide a foundation for your child to grow and become a productive member of society with the skill set to provide for it’s own comfort and the ability to improve upon all it has and has become.

Namely Love, Security & Education.

Rights of a Child

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 8, 2010 in Rights of a Child | 0 comments

Kathi and I were driving downtown Salt Lake City, and she brought up something interesting after hearing about the increased popularity of this blog.

“I’m just talking about what I’m passionate about, hun.” I said.

“Which is why I think you should do a series. A specific series on the ‘rights of children’, but not from a childs point of view, but rather a parents point of view.” she replied.

She then proceeded to go through a list of topics that revolve around our own household. The principles we teach our own children and stand firm upon. I noticed in our conversation the tendency parents have in assuming we are supporting our children’s rights, when in fact we hinder them…or worse.

If we are to stand blameless and give our offspring the fighting chance, or even a hope of surviving this growing aggressive environment, shouldn’t we take the time to inventory our actions? Take the time to see where we actually are with our kids and make the corrections needed?

Well that is my intention over the next little while, to write from my own family’s perspective of what  child’s rights actually are. I will cover them subject by subject, outlined with my wife to get the father’s AND mothers view. I hope you’re as excited as I am to take a brutal look at ourselves as I delve into the ‘why’s’ and well as the ‘how’s’ of this touchy set of subjects: Rights of a Child.

I hope you will join me next week as these articles begin the new year with a solid foundation of parenting principles.

Have a great weekend!

-Jaime Buckley

Teach them when they’re young.

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 8, 2010 in Family, Fatherhood, Parenting, Rights of a Child | 0 comments

Last night I had a parents dream and nightmare mixed together. A young man knew my oldest daughter turned 18 last Sunday and he came to our home and asked to court her.

You say: The guy actually asked your permission?

Yup.

You say: Did my daughter know it happened?

Yup. She was sitting there with me, the young man and her mother. I asked him some questions, his intent, and when I got bored, stood up and got something to eat from the kitchen–shouting back “Keep going, I’m listening.”

Now call me old fashioned, weird, a tyrant, it doesn’t matter–because I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of my choices when it comes to parenting. I will gladly accept support, but not interested in the least when it comes to criticism of the principles I live by. I love my kids. Enough to set bounds, to set rules and to teach them values that will enable them to look back on their lives WITHOUT REGRET.

If I feel it’s getting difficult to be a parent, all I have to do is look at the examples around me.  It makes me shutter, slap myself across the face and get my parental priorities straight…especially when a hefty majority of our youth (not even old enough to drive) are off doing who-knows-what, making MANY of them into instant parents! Yeah, they’re ready for that one!

Here’s the clincher for you parents: My daughter sat there in full confidence, appreciation and gratitude, willing to follow my decision with full purpose of heart. Why would that be? She’s not afraid of me. Kathi and I have taught her to think for herself and can hold her own in any debate I’ve engaged in, or listened to.

There are many men who have wanted to get to know my daughter. At the same time, my children are not raised in an environment where prowling predators who cant keep their peters in their pants can get to them. We have a structured household, with strict rules that promote freedom. True freedom. Not chaos. Not promiscuity. Not abuse. Not disrespect. So my daughter knew what i expected of her, and what I will demand of anyone who desires to get close to this family.

This young man knew my rules. He knew I would not bend and you know what? I watched this young man in many situations for the past 3-4 YEARS. There was something about him that I liked, because he was NOT part of my family, but he had similar traits, adhered to most of the same rules, and I got to know his father, his mother, his siblings…all in regular, everyday situations over time, so I had information.

I had a talk with my daughter in private, because her word was the final decision. Though I love her and taught her my will and backed it with the why’s, she’s old enough to take responsibility for herself. Her feelings and desires mean a great deal to me. All I can do is guide at this point.

This was important to her. I felt the same. So did her mother.

My oldest is courting. With my blessing and support.

She has always known what has been expected of her and we have always held her accountable.

How do you interact with your child?

Stupid Upgrades

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 8, 2010 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Ok, I do a lot of web work, but I’m not a programmer. I simply, out of necessity, learn to use what I have to and get the job done. So when the server says to upgrade the software and all I have to do is push the button, well…I push the blasted button!

But NOOOoooooo! It couldn’t possibly be THAT easy. It wasn’t. The template I was using didn’t have support any longer, so my site suddenly went KaBLOOWIE! (comic book fonts would have made that so much more interesting…).

So I found this new template for a professional look. I like it. Hope you do too. Now I can get back to wonderful aspects of life, liberty and dad changing crappy diapers. Oh yes men, I can do it. Can you?

How I Dealt With Pain (My Mom Died–Part 4)

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 7, 2010 in Family, Jaime Journal | 2 comments

I’ve received a lot of feedback in emails since my last few posts. BTW, if you wouldn’t mind posting your thoughts here, so they can be shared with others, I think we would all appreciate it. It makes it easier for me to talk to everyone at once, rather than replying to emails, though I understand if the feelings are private or tender.

The repeated question is how I’m doing now, and how did I deal with the pain after my mom died. One friend said she hasn’t cried yet as much as she feels she should after her mom died from cancer. That specifically got me thinking about the week I ran off with my Uncle Bob.

Uncle Bob is my mom’s personality (all the good stuff) in a huge military worn body, with a sprinkle of crazy and a hefty dose of fantastic laughter. I love that man dearly. Spend 3-4 days a week with him, and when my mom died, the two of us didn’t shed a tear. We did all we could to be the anchors for the family, to help others work it out, to be strength to Kathilynn and the kids, but never asking anything of anyone else.

Under the stress, nearly a year later, I started having heart and chest problems. I got dizzy…and my temper was like napalm. However, anything about my mother as a subject caused me to instantly bottle up. Bob was the same way. Well my friends noticed, and they got worried. So the guys from church all chipped in and bought two trips out to Wendover Nevada, for a Lobster dinner and a night out of town.

The night we left, Kathi pulled Uncle Bob aside and made him promise to watch over me. To give me room, but not let me end up in jail. Everything else she knew I was capable of doing was ok by her–just let me do it. He agreed. We didn’t say a word all the way to the casino, and then found the restaurant. The meal was incredible, and as we filled our bellies, we started to talk about mom. The good times, the bad times, things that annoyed us about her, things she was frustrated with us about. This went on through the night.

During the meal, I vented and just let the tears flow. No one here knew me and I’ve likely never see anyone here again anyway, so I balled. I swore. I cursed the Universe for taking my mom and even cursed my mom for falling asleep at the wheel. The little Mexican waitresses came and asked what was wrong and Uncle Bob told them in Spanish a condensed version. I don’t know what he said, but several of the women came out and tenderly hugged me and gave their condolences, the manager looking on. When he heard about our conversation in the booth, he came to our table and offered to let us stay all night, and kept the kitchen open for us an additional 3 hours after they cleaned up after everyone else.

Trust me, there are those who understand the importance of grieving. That night I smoked for the first time in almost 16 years. I also drank until I couldn’t see straight and cried about my mom even more, all the way home on the bus while Uncle Bob took me under wing and delivered me safe to Kathilynn once more.

There was a life turning event for me, and it was the true beginning of my healing process, and the healing for Uncle Bob. We never regretted that night, and I came home to a loving family who allowed me to vent in the only way I knew how, away from those I would have offended, and it worked.

January Breakfast with Brothers

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 7, 2010 in Uncategorized | 0 comments

Our breakfast with brothers this month will be at the RCA building, downstairs.

TIME: 7am–until we’re done. (Cooks get there by 6am to start cooking)
HASHBROWNS: Jaime Buckley
PANCAKES: Craig Werner (unless Sophia had the baby late–CALL ME CRAIG!)
EGGS: Still don’t have a volunteer. Need someone to provide and cook for about 14-18 men.

EVERYONE: Bring toppings for the meal. If you like hot sauce or sour cream on your hash browns, please bring some to share…and everyone is to bring a drink to share (the cooks are exempt for this, they’re buying and cooking yer food fools…).

This is a friendship session guys, nothing more. We’re all feeling the stress of life right now and frankly we can use some support and friendships all around to re-energize. To voice our thoughts without being criticized, and to have some laughs. No women, no kids, no exceptions. Come, visit, eat, stay as long as you’re able.

The last one in December was awesome, and I felt a better man for it.

People I have on the list to show up:

Craig Werner
Caleb Koerner
Dwayne Moser
Josh Barber
Merlin Allred
Michael Smith
Daniel Smith
Rolf Ludwig
Hyrum Thompson
Stephen Thompson
Terry Powell
Mark Taggart

A Father of 10 (+1)

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 7, 2010 in Family, Fatherhood, Parenting | 2 comments

I’m sitting here at the Riverton Library in Utah and watching an adorable brother and sister (not more than 3 years old), sheepishly follow behind their mother. The little boy saw a colorful book on one of the lower display cases and reached out to touch it…bringing down the entire display, crashing to the floor. The look on his face was one of shame. His mother looked at him sharply and his tiny little shoulder rounded as he squeaked “I sorry.”

The woman behind the help desk casually walked over, knelt down with a huge smile on her face and whispered ‘Looks like it crashed, huh. Well, that’s ok, it was time to change the books anyway, you go with your mom.” The librarian was greeted with appreciation from both the mother and the little boy, who had the huge world of wrecking a display taken from off his bitty shoulders.

That librarian has class.

The whole scene got me thinking about being a dad. Being married to the absolute love of my life, and having the goal of a dozen children. Kathi says she wants 13 now, but we’re currently debating on that. Now, I’m a religious minded person. I link everything back to God, but I don’t want to preach on this subject. Instead, I wanted to simply share my thoughts on being a father, and especially a father of 10 (with one on the way). It has given me some serious experiences (which never seem to end), and have forced me to look at life from perspectives I would never have considered otherwise.

First off, there’s nothing better in my mind, than being a father. I was fortunate enough to have my best friends born to me as my own children. We have seven girls and three boys. When I meet someone and they find out I have ten children, they gasp and ask ‘how many of each?’ I sometimes remark, “Oh, they’re all human.” or “We have all boys but seven.”

No, I don’t have anything against my beautiful girls. Not many men get kissed by eight girls twice a day, every day. They find me during my morning ritual of rushing, or scream when I’m almost at the door. If I’m unfortunate enough to get out of the house and forgotten anyone, I’m sure to hear it when I get home, or from a disturbing phone call as soon as I reach the office. However, the boys are easier. Yeah, Simon, my 3 year old son wants a kiss form dad, or he demands a phone call from me later to reassure him he was not forgotten…but other than that, my sons are joyful chaos.

Just what a rough dad needs.

One of the aspects of parenthood that some don’t understand, is that each child is unique and brings a separate joy to my life that cannot be duplicated. I cried and embraced my father and father-in-law when Ditto (Cesilea) was born. Yet you would have thought a male child had never existed when Evan was born, the way I ran around the hospital, screaming triumph. Evan is the second child, just turned 16 and weighs in at 240lbs of muscle.

Did I mention my wife is Samoan? Yeah, I have incredible looking kids, with the OOOMPH to back it up.

Kathi and I pondered over the children late last night, and sometimes I think my life would simply crumble if I didn’t have all of them. With all the diapers, screaming, arguing and rebellion comes the laughter, love, kindness and triumph of a lesson learned when the day is done. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in this wide world.

…unless they were REALLY bad….

BTW, if you’re looking for some fun father/parent blogs, check out some of my favorites, such as the Good Father Blog, and Father of the Blog.