Rights of a Child: Security

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 16, 2010 in Family, Fatherhood, Jaime Journal, Parenting, Rights of a Child | 0 comments

We have talked about love and now I would like to dive into something I am passionate about on a deeper level, and that is a child’s security.

As I remarked in the beginning, a human child is by far the weakest, most dependent animal when born. Its survival is completely dependent upon its parents.

Now introduce the world as you know it.

There are unlimited untold dangers around you, from the dog next door who always seems to get out of it’s yard and snap at you as you make your way to the car. There’s the kids hanging at the corner selling drugs, or maybe looking for some extra milk money. But it goes much further than that. There’s the construction workers belting out their extensive four-letter vocabulary as you walk by with little Johnny in the stroller, or the unlimited magazine covers in every grocery store in the country, flashing half naked bodies and headlines about what women should do in bed.

Wait, don’t get offended yet, there’s MORE!

…how about the unlimited flow of pornography on the internet, which now advertises on the main sites kids go to for video games, movie downloads and independent software creation and support. Then there’s the hard rock and rap that seems to have a thing for sex, dead cops and a burning society. No, no, wait–we also have the ever deteriorating scoring system in movies and television that plainly promotes homosexuality, drugs, rape, or the never ending cops shows that depict every crime involving pedophiles and rapists as common everyday occurrences.

I haven’t even scratched the surface and you know it.

Yes, we want our child to be physically secure and safe and that’s usually what a parent thinks when it comes their child’s safety. But what about the mind? The heart? Their very spirit?

Do not fear what can kill the body as much as what can kill the soul.

To me, the security of my children is of utmost importance and where my own past has prepared me to deal with a varied and corrupt future. Let’s look into some considerations….

Cesilea & Faith’s Buckley Birthday Bash

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 15, 2010 in Family, Fatherhood, Parenting, Some People's Children! | 4 comments

It’s a wonderful thing to turn 18. It only happens once as we know, but it hit me hard when my first baby finally turned the big 18.

Not because I was sad, but because I had to be responsible for the Church building or she couldn’t have the party there…

I just don’t want to clean up after these kids!

The wonderful thing was, both my daughter and my little sister (yes, Faith is my sibling) had a wonderful turnout. The laughter was constant and the games a plenty as you can see here in the pictures. I have even provided a short clip of the noise level from the party.

Those of you who came, it was wonderful to have you here. Those who didn’t, you truly missed out.
Also…thank all of you for NOT requesting a movie, so I could go into the next room and write this post and side step the chaos.

It means a lot to this old man. =)

Rights of a Child: Unconditional Love

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 15, 2010 in Family, Fatherhood, Jaime Journal, Parenting, Rights of a Child | 0 comments

I have been talking about love as a right a child should expect from a parent. In the previous article, principle based love was mentioned, to which a reader connected to ‘unconditional love’.

I agree.

What conflicts in my mind however (and this is only my  opinion here, BTW) is the misunderstood application of ‘unconditional love’. Where parents all too often believe that turning the other cheek or ignoring the behavior of a child, regardless of what they do, is in fact unconditional love. Unconditional love is a separation of the sin from the sinner so to speak.

Principle based love is, I believe, a step further in combining accountability with mercy and understanding and instruction.

When Simon (age 3) writes on my white bedroom walls with a marker, I don’t stop loving him. Nothing can change that. However, I do hold him accountable and show him that his actions require him to make amends if possible. In this case, I show him how to clean the marks with a rag and soapy water, making the motions with him and then watch over him until he has cleaned the mark (within his ability to do so).

I expressed my disappointment, linking it to his action, but then I always increase my display of love as he is willing to follow my directions and make amends. Another good example with Simon is when I call him. Even when he has done something wrong and he knows he might be punished, he comes when called. Why? Because that is what’s expected. It is a consistent pattern reinforced over time through repetition. He knows that I will always talk with him first. We walk through the situation on his level of understanding and what he might have done wrong, explaining why it was wrong.  I ask him questions to engage his mind and force his brain to come up with solutions, while recognizing his participation in the events. I give him that respect even as a child, to build his self-awareness, but also hold him accountable for what he’s done.

Again, afterward I pour my love out to him so he knows I adore him,and that I want him to make better choices in the future.

Principle based love is consistent and just.

Barry Eisler: good friend & amazing writer.

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 14, 2010 in Friends | 0 comments

Years ago I had an email from an astounding author who has come across my comic book and purchased on. His email was a thank you for the fun. I was excited and appreciated the timing, when I was feeling the strain of putting out the comics but not getting any feedback.

Were my comics any good? Did anyone read them?

I emailed Barry back immediately and asked him if he would be willing to write something about my comic which I could post on my site. With no obligation to do so, this first class author sent me my very first review, which I had posted on my site, but also became a primary review on my first graphic novel.

He also has a link on his site BarryEisler.com:

“Jaime Buckley is the writer and artist behind a fantastic comic book series, “Wanted: Hero.” Jaime’s art harkens back to the heyday of Eerie and Creepy comics, yet his vision is refreshingly original.”

Barry has entertained so many people around the globe and I became such a huge fan, one of my characters, Bookworm–a Gnome assassin who was able to go unseen and his hits untraceable, shifted. I wanted to promote the incredible talent of Barry and realized I could do this by making some alterations in my Gnome character. Hence Bookworm became a national best selling writer, who did hit man work on the side.

You can learn more about Barry Eisler and Bookworm by going to WantedHero.com.

Barry recently gave a talk on “What Does It Mean To Be A Learner Today?” of TEDxTokyo 2009, held on May 22 at National Museum of Emerging Science and Innovation. He has unknowingly been an encouragement to me in pursuing the novels and becoming a published author.

Watch the video below:

Rights of a Child: Love (Part 2)

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 13, 2010 in Family, Fatherhood, Jaime Journal, Parenting, Rights of a Child | 3 comments

Yesterday I talked about different types of love and about confronting my own children and Sunday School class about my feelings towards them. In all cases, they knew without doubt that I loved them. Not just my own children, but the kids I teach.

I believe Love is the foundation of being a parent. Yet we have bad examples around us in society beating upon us and especially our kids, which erode the meaning of ‘I love you’ to something said in passing…if anything at all.  “I love ya.”

Carley can laugh in such a unique way, which brings anyone who hears her to giggling tears as well!

No.
I tell my children “I love you.”
If they say they love me, I reply with “I love you back.”

Try saying that specifically to your child and see if you feel a difference in your own heart.

I believe loving a child should be principle based, not personality based. It still has emotion attached TO it, but it’s not based UPON it. I love my child for the simple reason that he/she exists, regardless of a tantrum, a bad choice or a  mistake. I love them because they are unique, because they are an unknown potential and because in each of them is an unlimited line of more unique beings (a line of posterity), that without this one child…will never exist.

That’s what I see in my child: an endless line of life and brilliance. I also find myself feeling love for other children (and adults for that matter) for the same reasons.

There are times when youth come to me when they will no longer talk with their parents.  I’m talking about college students and married  couples who come visit with me. Why? They tell me it’s because of our history. Because my love is not dependent on their actions and we have an established relationship of honesty with one another that they need not fear. Because I don’t base my love on emotions, the challenge at hand doesn’t sway my council or my desire to care for them. It has provided opportunities to instruct children when they might not listen to their own parents, and in many instances, giving me the opportunity to point out and validate a parents decision.

Children are anything but stupid. A child will feel this principle based love to the bone, which presents and reinforces itself through rough experiences, trials and challenges, long after the emotion of a hug or a kiss has worn off.

Principle based love is what you can count on.

Read More

Rights of a Child: Love

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 12, 2010 in Family, Fatherhood, Jaime Journal, Parenting, Rights of a Child | 0 comments

The basic foundation principle of a parent, at least in my own mind, should be love.

Now love is actually a big subject, especially when the world has distorted, misused, chopped up, mutilated and all but destroyed the definition of the word. From a loving mother, holding her new child in her arms after birth, whispering it for the first time….to the perversions of what Hollywood would have you believe, “Love” is defined as many things.

We have tough love, unconditional love, paternal love, brotherly love, the love between a husband and wife, even a ‘love of violence’. So where do we place ourselves as parents when it comes to love in conjunction with out little ones?

I have spent some time reading, talking with my children and even heard a great sermon in church Sunday ON Love, and it deserves to be looked at closely.

My sweet little daughter: Leilani Alyse Uapafutiolevaaoalii Buckley

In wondering how my children felt, I set my yellow pad down and called out to a few of my older children, Cesilea (18), Leilani (15) and Jessica (14). I asked them if they knew mom and I loved them. They just chuckled and said “Of course!” But when I asked them how, they looked puzzled. They couldn’t clarify at first. Nothing came to any of them, until Ditto (Cesilea) jabbed Leilani in the shoulder and laughed: “I know you love Lei, because you didn’t send her back for a working model!”.

It took them some time, but they finally told me they knew they were loved because of a structure we had in our home. When they thought about it, every action and decision Kathi and I made concerning them was engineered for their development. For their progression and their good. Ditto added that the pattern was there, even when they didn’t see it at first.

There were times when my children interacted with their friends, and they would witness conduct from their friends towards their parents, especially the mothers which would make them cringe. It was completely unacceptable behavior and they would come home, embarrassed for themselves…and their friends. “Why would they do that (or say that) to their own mother?” they would ask. Oh, my kids have struggles like any other youth, and they have good days and bad days. My goal is just to help them have far more of the good days.

I took the question next to my Sunday School class. I’m a strict adult, very abrupt, but for some strange reason, the kids want me back every year. That’s gone on for nearly 15 years now.

Standing before 14 twelve year olds (mostly girls), I snapped “Do I hate you guys?”

The room burst into giggles and an occasional laugh. “No.” they replied.

“But I yell at you often!” I bellowed.

One young lady smiled back. “But you love love us anyway.”

I smiled back. They were right. I loved each of them and prided myself on having the brightest kids in Church. Hmmm. I don’t hug them. I don’t change their diapers or feed them. In fact, I tell them stories and frequently call them ‘little craps’ when they act badly. Yet they come back, week after week, parents thank me and say their child has never loved church so much as in that class.

So what kind of love produces that type of result? Is it the same type of love my own children experience in our family?

She Doesn’t BELIEVE Me!??

Posted by Jaime Buckley on Jan 11, 2010 in Jaime Journal | 0 comments

Yes, life treats me like a baby treats a diaper...

Ok, I just got off the phone with Kathilynn, and as all of you can see from the date of this post, I had announced that her birthday was coming up. It also says I won’t be available, because I want to spend it with her…right?

Yet I treid to tell her I wanted to go out and she accused me of NOT REMEMBERING!

**sigh**

She’s so sensitive about her birthday…

I wish those who know her and have our phone number would PLEASE give her a call and save my efforts by confirming that I DID IN FACT REMEMBER HER BIRTHDAY! This is a shame I have tried for YEARS to shake from my shoulders and when I finally had a date and event all ready, I’m knocked down.

Ouch.

Ok, ok, so I got her age wrong (she’s a year younger). But I DID remember the birthday!