The Sunday previous, I had spent some personal time with my little son Simon. He’s a brilliant boy and I wanted to tell him a great story with strong visuals to help him remember–which ended up being about Jonah, the Whale and Nineveh. He listened with great intensity as I described the wickedness of the city people, and also why the big fish swallowed the Prophet.  I knew he would remember the story, but not the concepts behind it.

I was wrong.

While our home had adults wading too and fro, bailing water, trying to save what furniture was left and personal belongings,  little Simon was slowly walking through the muddy water, tears in his eyes, looking to the left, then to the right.

When his mother put her arms around him, she asked if he was ok.

“No mom.  Look.” he pouted, pointing around him at the muddy water.  “Heavenly Father is mad at us.  We have been bad mom.  Very, very bad.  We need to be the good guys!”

Though he eventually learned that sometimes negative things happen for a good reason (I explained the big fish was there to take Jonah to Nineveh to do his initial job, and during our flood damage control, we received word that we had been accepted for a new place to live.), it helped me see that the personal time we spent with our little ones, instructing them and sharing is never in vain.

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A point in your life when patience has been used up, long-suffering endured and yet the abuse continues, challenges never cease and the pressure never abates.  Thoughtfulness, manners and respect are quickly becoming myths in our society and when the soft spoken word is ignored, another option should be utilized.

Eat and Fight.

The instant interpretation might be violence, but that’s not what I’m referring to.  I’m referring to a focus of mind and purpose of heart.  I’m talking about a determination to do what is right, because it is right, regardless of the opposition, mockery or lack of intelligence, manners or class of another.  It’s about taking a counter-offense to the situations of life and ‘bridging’ your efforts (starting with a finishing move).  In short, it’s about putting the monkey when the flippin monkey belongs for a change and standing your ground!  Allowing the natural consequences to follow the path of choice.

What would that do for you, for your family and for society if we allowed the natural consequences to follow?

No bailouts, no refunding bad ideas, no turning to the morons that caused the problems to fix the problems…and allowing those who are willing to take the risks, take the initiative and take the responsibility step into their own.

Think about it on a smaller scale.

Now is the time to think big, act big and to take the initiative when it comes to our lives.  You’re not doing anyone any good thinking small, I can assure you.

Change your surroundings, change your community, change the world.

You have the brains, you have the talent and God has placed the tools in front of you.  Open your eyes and make a real, foundational difference in life.  No one gives a damn when you whine.  In fact, more companies and even social environments/organizations are finally realizing that it’s far easier and intelligent to change the squeaky wheel instead of giving it grease.

Take the time to understand that you are living in a world where YOU MUST BE PRO-ACTIVE.

Act or be acted upon.
Eat and fight.

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Understand that I have some strong old time values, and I try very hard to think them through and have a principle based reason for them.  I raise my family and protect my family by them.  They are not negotiable.  I don’t force them upon anyone…but I do hold them up and require others to abide my them if they socialize with us.

The issue is communication between the opposite sex. It’s become casual in society, especially with technology, where you can have private conversations in an instant. Say anything, share anything, and mom and dad don’t have to know a thing. Text, text, text, phone calls, instant messaging, Facebook private messages and so on…

Well, as a father and husband, relationships are very sacred things to me.  Emotions are to be shared with certain people IMO and my associations are not taken lightly or casually.  This goes double for my kids.  I tell my children not to take their friendships casually.  I have great and lasting honor for my friends.  Text and private time with the opposite sex doesn’t make sense to me, unless you’re courting (notice I don’t use the word “date”).  Why do you need it when nothing and I repeat, NOTHING good can come of it, other than opportunities for bad things to happen?

So my counsel was this: I strongly encourage my sisters NOT to talk to men, respond to texts or have phone conversations casually.  Why?  Well, first off because there’s no need to associate with a man privately when you can have all the polite conversation and social engagement in a general setting with others around.  If you argue that point with me, my question is simple: what is your intent? Why do you NEED to have ‘private time’ with the opposite sex if there’s ‘nothing going on’?

Secondly, just because you have the technology to have a conversation and get around the father/big brother barriers with the click of a button, doesn’t mean you should.  If this were 100 years ago, would the father of that lovely girl want you to casually grab her arm and skirt her off to a side room to talk privately?

Not likely.

I wish our society had better standards.  I’m not going to hold my breath.

However, I will stand by the standard that a male who tries to get around the moral structures of a family openly challenges the protective powers that be.  In layman’s terms, ‘yer asking ta get a whoopin bucko.’

It’s the standard I require of guys who show up on my doorstep, and the same standard I drill into my sons. So argue with me if you like, but I would wager your father and mother, whether they agree with me or not, would appreciate a man with honor and respect knocking on their door, rather than the alternative.

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His oldest sister called him to wish a Happy Birthday and ask him what he wanted:

“A cake. Presents. …uhhh, and a Christmas tree.”

While adventuring out in the backyard as Super Simon the Four Year Old…he came to the conclusion that he is NOT in fact immune to angry wasps, which pursued and bit him repeatedly over the face.

So what was the plan? Retreat tot he house and watch Return of the King with Dad.

FACT: Simon is the only child I have ever met who can interject a dragon into any conversation and have it seem as natural as breathing. A storyteller at heart, he still lugs around his favorite ‘binky’ and sucks on a plug at any sign of distress.

We are currently getting up the nerve to hunt down and slay the dragon-wasp that attacked him, and in his own words…was trying to kill him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMON!
Daddy loves you with all his heart.

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When I awoke this morning, there was an odd feeling in my chest. The kind I get when someone near is in trouble.  Stress, life, not necessarily danger, but perhaps a serious challenge being faced by someone caught unaware…and my heart aches.

I couldn’t figure it out, so I thought it might be helpful to go with this feeling and reach out through my blog.  Hopefully you will see this and find some measure of comfort.

If you believe one thing only, trust in this:

You’re going to be ok.

I may not know who you are or what you’re going through, but I feel this surge of emotion to tell you that you WILL survive the events of your life.

Sometimes life gives us moments of bliss, moments of rest and a change to take a deep breath, only to plunge us into a deeper challenge. Many times you cannot see the light or the other side of that chasm, and we take it personally.

It’s not because you’re being picked on.  It’s because you are fortunate enough to have the notice of the Universe.  It’s because YOU MATTER.  You are one of those unique people given the opportunity to learn and grow and become something much more than you are right now.

Oh it doesn’t feel that way during the journey, but that usually because our perspective is skewed.  It’s our nature to focus on a result, rather than the event.  The goal, rather than the path traveled to achieve that goal.

Here’s something else.  You are a completely unique soul.  God doesn’t make mistakes, nor does he trifle with the ‘ordinary’.

Without you, something great, something magnificent and breathtaking will be lost to the world…and life would be a darker place because it doesn’t have you in it.

…only you know what that will be.

This I know: if God has placed challenges in front of you because He feels you can meet those challenges…even if you might not feel that way right now, my money is on you.

Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Ever.

Accept the challenge. Embrace it. Stand your ground and choose to walk the walk and I promise you the most amazing life a person can live.

You WILL survive.

God Bless.

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It’s been twenty years now since God had mercy on me and showed me how much I was loved, forever changing the path I would walk the rest of my days.  I still remember the moment my eyes rested upon you.  That first smile that sill makes my heart race.  The amazing smile that makes the butterflies stir.

I still have a crush on you.

Thank you for being the love of my life.

Twenty years has taught me something about us: I have always known you. I have always loved you.  My heart was reaching out, calling out to you until your heart heard the cry and echoed back.  It’s so easy to love you, Kathilynn.  To adore you.  It’s as natural as the beat of my heart.

You are an inspiration and example of what’s best in life and humanity, and when I look at our amazing children my heart cries to the heavens in gratitude for the incredible companion I have, because my love, the best in them is the best from you.

Your laugh brightens my soul, your smile brightens my world and when you look at me, I know I am loved.  I can feel it and it always amazes me how you can do that without saying a word.  What we have is rare, admired and envied by many because it is based on a foundation stronger than either of us.

I look forward to the next twenty years together, growing old together and to build our dreams together. I know we can do it, because you are my personal confirmation that dreams do come true.

You are my love, my inspiration and my best friend.
Thank you for simply being you.

I love you always and forever,

Your Jester.

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Focus on another, or just others and give it all you have. Your time, resources, effort, attention, money, name it…and I can almost guarantee you the moment you stop and let your bow string off and shift any attention to yourself to keep from exploding, you’ll reap a whirlwind of criticism.  It might not even be what you’re doing, or why you’re doing it, but how.  You might dodge the how and get slammed with the when.  For me it’s usually the timing of the whole matter.

You can unwind, but only when it’s convenient for others.

Mothers get hit frequently with that one.  You serve the children, care for every need of the family and yet when you want or desperately need a break–just a simple moment to take a breath, you’re criticized or even worse…expected to be the most enduring, the strongest, the one without needs.

Wow.

I’m here to say don’t worry, be happy.

Let it all go by you and know that there are times when you can do all you can for others and you’ll be presented with a choice to take a break–to let the pressure out of the steam cooker or snap.  Most of us have moments like that and it’s rare that those around you will completely see or relate to what your going through, but they WILL do their best to compare you to their own priority or value system.

There’s not a lot you can do about that, other than love them, take your slap on the wrist and then take your moment anyway.

This isn’t always about being selfish.  Many times it’s about self-preservation and if you’ll stop and think about this, you’ll see that self-preservation is in fact THE #1 priority of the UNIVERSE.  So you’re in good company here.

It doesn’t do any good to get mad about it.  It also means you don’t stop being of service to others…just do the best you can and know none of us are perfect.  Sometimes people will get it, and that’s always nice when they do…but if they don’t, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to explain it.  We all need to take those moments to keep from cracking and we all do it in different ways.  Chances are you’ll take your moment in the wrong way, at the wrong time, and maybe even looked upon as having the wrong priorities.  That’s ok.  We all make mistakes and I would rather apologize for having to disengage my mind and heart in self-preservation than to meet someone else’s definition of what I should be doing and end up going postal on them.

I’m not saying I’m right on this…I’m only saying that’s how I see it at this point.

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I hate them and I really don’t want to go.

Even avoided my best friends funeral when I was 16. First one I attended was a dear friend who lost his 8 year old boy.  Couldn’t stand the thought of loosing my own son and something snapped…and I was unable to let him go through the experience without support.

…but when mom died, I learned something.

Don’t say a word.

Go to the funeral, but don’t say a damn word. Nothing you say will make it better and you cannot, DARE NOT compare your feelings or understanding with the sufferings of others! DON’T DO IT!!

If you want to have the strongest effect of support, walk up to the grieving parties, show your tears openly, shake a hand, squeeze a shoulder and if you have to: nod.

Just keep your mouth shut and I can almost guarantee you’ll be the one who leaves the greatest impact for good in the life of another.

The talking will come later…just cry with them in silence for now.

Please trust me on this one.

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I get home awfully late and you know what i get as the very first thing when i walk into the room?

The most wonderful, soft, loving smile from my wife.

I’m talking the kind that whispers “hello my beloved, I have missed you and I’m SO glad you’re home”.

I love how Kathi can do that to me.

It screeches on my emotional brakes if I’m in a bad mood, and flips my whole day around.  It literally makes my day worth it when I see my girl smile at me.

Seriously, how the crud does she do it?  More than 20 years now and it still makes me stop in my tracks and wonder how I got so lucky…and so blessed.

Hope you boys are as lucky as I am.

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Head shaving?  OH yeah.  It was the coolest, heart warming thing I’ve been involved in for a looong time.

My grandson, only 4 years old, has Leukemia.  He is the most brave child I have met and we all love him dearly.  When he learned his hair would eventually fall out, his magnificent father smiled at him and said that when that day came, he would shave his head too.

Well, there were a few of us who felt the same way…and his hair fell out right before the reception.  So my daughter encouraged our family to include this act of support into her own personal moment with her new husband, who agreed.

So we did the eating, we did the playing and we did the traditional stuff…and then we opened the mic and made the announcement as we rolled out the sheets, hooked up the sheers to the extension cords and brought my grandson to the center ring with his father.

What happened made me cry and then cheer.  My grandson shaved his fathers hair off…and found a near endless stream of others wanting to express their love and support by submitting themselves to the buzzer.

How appropriate that by daughters new last name just happens to be “Barber”.

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