Teach them when they’re young.
Last night I had a parents dream and nightmare mixed together. A young man knew my oldest daughter turned 18 last Sunday and he came to our home and asked to court her.
You say: The guy actually asked your permission?
Yup.
You say: Did my daughter know it happened?
Yup. She was sitting there with me, the young man and her mother. I asked him some questions, his intent, and when I got bored, stood up and got something to eat from the kitchen–shouting back “Keep going, I’m listening.”
Now call me old fashioned, weird, a tyrant, it doesn’t matter–because I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks of my choices when it comes to parenting. I will gladly accept support, but not interested in the least when it comes to criticism of the principles I live by. I love my kids. Enough to set bounds, to set rules and to teach them values that will enable them to look back on their lives WITHOUT REGRET.
If I feel it’s getting difficult to be a parent, all I have to do is look at the examples around me. It makes me shutter, slap myself across the face and get my parental priorities straight…especially when a hefty majority of our youth (not even old enough to drive) are off doing who-knows-what, making MANY of them into instant parents! Yeah, they’re ready for that one!
Here’s the clincher for you parents: My daughter sat there in full confidence, appreciation and gratitude, willing to follow my decision with full purpose of heart. Why would that be? She’s not afraid of me. Kathi and I have taught her to think for herself and can hold her own in any debate I’ve engaged in, or listened to.
There are many men who have wanted to get to know my daughter. At the same time, my children are not raised in an environment where prowling predators who cant keep their peters in their pants can get to them. We have a structured household, with strict rules that promote freedom. True freedom. Not chaos. Not promiscuity. Not abuse. Not disrespect. So my daughter knew what i expected of her, and what I will demand of anyone who desires to get close to this family.
This young man knew my rules. He knew I would not bend and you know what? I watched this young man in many situations for the past 3-4 YEARS. There was something about him that I liked, because he was NOT part of my family, but he had similar traits, adhered to most of the same rules, and I got to know his father, his mother, his siblings…all in regular, everyday situations over time, so I had information.
I had a talk with my daughter in private, because her word was the final decision. Though I love her and taught her my will and backed it with the why’s, she’s old enough to take responsibility for herself. Her feelings and desires mean a great deal to me. All I can do is guide at this point.
This was important to her. I felt the same. So did her mother.
My oldest is courting. With my blessing and support.
She has always known what has been expected of her and we have always held her accountable.
How do you interact with your child?
Read MoreA Father of 10 (+1)
I’m sitting here at the Riverton Library in Utah and watching an adorable brother and sister (not more than 3 years old), sheepishly follow behind their mother. The little boy saw a colorful book on one of the lower display cases and reached out to touch it…bringing down the entire display, crashing to the floor. The look on his face was one of shame. His mother looked at him sharply and his tiny little shoulder rounded as he squeaked “I sorry.”
The woman behind the help desk casually walked over, knelt down with a huge smile on her face and whispered ‘Looks like it crashed, huh. Well, that’s ok, it was time to change the books anyway, you go with your mom.” The librarian was greeted with appreciation from both the mother and the little boy, who had the huge world of wrecking a display taken from off his bitty shoulders.
That librarian has class.
The whole scene got me thinking about being a dad. Being married to the absolute love of my life, and having the goal of a dozen children. Kathi says she wants 13 now, but we’re currently debating on that. Now, I’m a religious minded person. I link everything back to God, but I don’t want to preach on this subject. Instead, I wanted to simply share my thoughts on being a father, and especially a father of 10 (with one on the way). It has given me some serious experiences (which never seem to end), and have forced me to look at life from perspectives I would never have considered otherwise.
First off, there’s nothing better in my mind, than being a father. I was fortunate enough to have my best friends born to me as my own children. We have seven girls and three boys. When I meet someone and they find out I have ten children, they gasp and ask ‘how many of each?’ I sometimes remark, “Oh, they’re all human.” or “We have all boys but seven.”
No, I don’t have anything against my beautiful girls. Not many men get kissed by eight girls twice a day, every day. They find me during my morning ritual of rushing, or scream when I’m almost at the door. If I’m unfortunate enough to get out of the house and forgotten anyone, I’m sure to hear it when I get home, or from a disturbing phone call as soon as I reach the office. However, the boys are easier. Yeah, Simon, my 3 year old son wants a kiss form dad, or he demands a phone call from me later to reassure him he was not forgotten…but other than that, my sons are joyful chaos.
Just what a rough dad needs.
One of the aspects of parenthood that some don’t understand, is that each child is unique and brings a separate joy to my life that cannot be duplicated. I cried and embraced my father and father-in-law when Ditto (Cesilea) was born. Yet you would have thought a male child had never existed when Evan was born, the way I ran around the hospital, screaming triumph. Evan is the second child, just turned 16 and weighs in at 240lbs of muscle.
Did I mention my wife is Samoan? Yeah, I have incredible looking kids, with the OOOMPH to back it up.
Kathi and I pondered over the children late last night, and sometimes I think my life would simply crumble if I didn’t have all of them. With all the diapers, screaming, arguing and rebellion comes the laughter, love, kindness and triumph of a lesson learned when the day is done. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in this wide world.
…unless they were REALLY bad….
BTW, if you’re looking for some fun father/parent blogs, check out some of my favorites, such as the Good Father Blog, and Father of the Blog.
Read MoreMy Latest Book
