Dear Reader,
I wanted to get another post in before the internet got turned off. I want to encourage you to keep fighting, no matter what. No promo bull or fluff, just straight up from me to you. I want to expose a bit of my life and show you what you may, and I repeat ‘may’, have to endure to make your dreams happen. I’ll probably be ridiculed for this, that’s fine…won’t be the first time and I’m certain it won’t be the last. But something tells me there’s a heart out there that needs to find someone who understands what they’re going through.
So here it goes:
Most people think I’m crazy. I can understand that. It’s uncomfortable for some to look at what I’m doing and easy for others to point a finger. Let them.
I have been married to my best friend for nearly 21 years. She’s the best part of life and from the moment we were married, she’s had to strap into the seat and hang on during the roller coaster ride. Why? Because I told her before we married that I knew, not believed, but knew what I was supposed to do with my life. At first it was uncomfortable. Then it became painful. Then it took our breath away, then made us cry. At one point I found myself alone in a room during the deepest depression imaginable…pulling back the hammer of a gun I had placed in my mouth. A miracle occurred which preserved my life.
TIP: Don’t try to solve a temporary problem with a permanent solution.
Yet through all these trials, a voice said to keep going and I would have a dream of what I was supposed to do next.
Time rolled forward and we had some amazing times and considerable prosperity as well. Yet it always came back to Wanted Hero and working with youth. Youth out in the world that needed to know their potential. A burning desire to reach down and lift them up. The desire emanating from a voice in my heart, talking louder than all the music, all the movies and all the conflicts of my life. A voice that tells me to reach out to that lost soul…and to do it through stories. That’s my purpose. That’s my passion, and all I want to do is inspire the youth of the world or die trying. Seriously, that’s all. Just the world–then I’m done.
The trouble is–as much as I want to accomplish this, there’s always a force equally determined to stop me from accomplishing it. If you’re desire is to do something that will help another or improve the world around you in ANY way…be ready for a fight. The bigger the goal, the bigger the fight. It’s not something I believe, it’s what I know. Expect it.
Just know you’re bigger, better, stronger and more resourceful than you may believe at this moment. That’s alright. Stay focused on your goal and put one foot ahead of the other. If you believe in God, pray.
Where I am Right Now:
I don’t know what’s going to happen next. Kathilynn and I work day and night to prepare this first book, while I have been writing 3 more. In addition, I’m learning to format eBooks, trying to organize the scripts for audio books, creating covers and cross linking all the works so every story enhances one another. My oldest son Evan and I have been developing games and he continues to send emails to book bloggers asking if they’d review Prelude once released.
I have not worked since November 2010. How we have made it this far is a complete miracle. We live moment to moment right now. Kathi, myself, our 10 children and Kathi’s aged father. That’s where many think I’m crazy or irresponsible for not having a day job to support my family. What they don’t know is that I have jumped at any and all possibilities for work, shy of a minimum wage job, which wouldn’t help anyone. Nothing pans out–ever. Every door I tried to approach or get through has been aggressively shut in my face. Yet when my attention turns to doing the stories, the Red Sea parts. Think about it: 1000 ISBN’s given to me, company licensed and started, meeting and having 2 meals with David Farland who says we have NY Times Bestselling potential–then proceeds to help us reshape the book?
What would you deduce from this? Yeah, me too.
I doubt I’m the ‘norm’ in shooting for your dreams, but maybe I am. I spent a year in an intense situation where all I could do was sit in a small room where my family lived, turn into a shallow corner, put up two pictures of the outdoors, put in ear plugs and write. I learned how to write while I was sick, in pain, depressed, angry, sad, hungry, cold and most of all–afraid that today was the day my family would be cast into the street and have to live under a freeway. It’s a fear I still have every day I wake up.
Then I sit down and write.
That’s what you might have to go through to get where you’re supposed to be. Would you be willing? To be the one who doesn’t make sense, and in that pain and anguish continue to move forward to get what you want? You may have to ignore the ‘norm’ and listen to that small voice in your heart to take that next step. It’s what I choose each and every day, even when it hurts. And it hurts a lot.
That’s where family comes in. I hope with all my soul that you have someone, if not many people, who love and support you because they know you’re doing the right thing. I cannot express enough love to my wife and children. They know I’m behind that door, crying late at night. The kids have, unfortunately, heard Kathi encouraging me to stay the course, regardless of what life looks like. I hope you have someone as amazing as my Kathi in your life to give you another perspective when you can’t see straight. Fortunately my family has gained independent testimonies and developed personal determination over the past two years. It’s made them unusually strong. And because of their willingness to give their all, every day along side their parents, they have witnessed the near impossible occur weekly in our lives.
What Comes Next:
Our hope is to publish this week. Don’t know if it will happen yet, but that’s the plan and we’re shooting for it. At the same time, we have the internet, water, electricity and gas going off. I can’t stop it. Don’t have $2 to my name anymore. The van sits in the driveway empty and I owe my landlord a substantial amount in back rent. We have one more can of the only organic formula my baby daughter can digest (should last the next 2 days). So I have a hard time shutting out that ticking in the back of my head.
The strategy is to publish through the traditional routes (Amazon, B&N, Smashwords), but to also sell from WantedHero.com and include bonus materials for anyone willing to straight from us. Unfortunately it will be limited to PayPal as the processor, but this allows us to receive money in days rather than months and if life smiles on us, will help stay afloat and keep taking a step forward. Don’t know if it will work–but the best you can do is increase your chances to succeed. If we lose electricity and internet, my plan is to walk a couple miles to the library and try to upload from there. I’m overweight so I’m thinking it’s just life’s exercise program for me (smirk).
See? Crazy. But Crazy can be good.
I asked Kathi and the children this morning how they all felt. We have a great deal riding on the hope that I don’t suck as a writer. I asked if there was anything they wanted to say about where we are here and now. They responded by saying that “We feel more excited and sure than ever. If we have to go through this, so long as we can do it together, it’s worth it.”
That, dear reader, is why I brag about my family with every breath.
Don’t give up.
Just know you may have to go through challenges equal to the blessings you’re hoping for.
God Bless.
Jaime Buckley
Please leave a post. If you have anything you can add to this–a perspective or even a personal experience, I sure would appreciate it and I know there are others who would too. Thank you.
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Jaime. this is why you are one of my favorite people, even when life feels like a thunderstorm. This last month has been one of the hardest for me, no work and few inspirations. Doubting, and failing. Still looking for that silver lining, but you’ve given me hope that it’s there, even when its dark. Thank you
Karl, even though I do believe there’s a silver lining, I’ve yet to see one.
Sometimes the point is not to find the new high, but to stand our ground when everything else is falling apart. To get up one more time than you’re knocked down and to go back to the last sure piece of solid knowledge we had when everything else feels insane.
Life is meant to do that to us in its seasons. It will happen more than once, and yet our natural reaction isn’t to embrace it, but rather to do all that we can to avoid it…which in itself is insanity.
Life isn’t the enemy. Life IS a thunderstorm, as you so accurately put it…but it’s also a system of events, specifically engineered to make you stronger and give you every opportunity to show your true grit.
The fact is Karl, you’re going to fail. You’re GOING to screw up. Over and over…and over again. But the actual TEST, is whether or not you maintain a good heart during the process.
…the rest is just a matter of practice.
I guess the thing I am struggling most with is feeling like I can’t handle another blow, the last one already has me flat on my back seeing stars…
I’ve become reclusive, I fear my ability to adapt, and become something I don’t want to be. My good heart as you say, I want to keep intact.
You say the struggle is to stand your ground when everything falls apart, how do you do that when its the ground thats crumbling?
First off Karl–we are never the best judges of what we can take. Just the fact that you’re having this conversation with me proves that you have some self-preservation systems kicking in…which happens to be the #1 drive in the universe (self-preservation). Here’s the simple key to know without a doubt f you can, indeed, take another blow: you’re alive.
It’s that simple. If you’re still breathing and kicking, you can do just that–breathe and kick. So rest for a few moments if you need to, then get up off your back and start again.
Secondly, fear isn’t an option and it’s never an excuse. It’s a pain in the freaking butt sometimes, however, until we learn how to use it as a part of life’s toolbox. Don’t use it as an excuse. Use it as opportunity to test and try yourself, to become something better and push through it. Becoming reclusive is somewhat normal, though stupid, because we’re guys–we do that. I do it often, but we’re not meant to be alone. It doesn’t mean you vomit your emotions/problems on others (or you’ll become reclusive by default).
You choose to become what you are, Karl. The choices might suck in life at times, but you still get to choose how you’ll react, how you’ll adapt to and how you will utilize the events and experiences life puts in front of you, slaps you in the face with or tries t drown you in. You choose.
Last of all Karl, when the ground you’re on is whats crumbling–it’s the exact time to do as I mentioned before: go back to the last set of circumstances or information you know to be true and correct and start from there. If you can’t move, stand. If you can’t stand…then do what I do: give circumstances and life the middle finger, curl up in a ball (protect the head, BTW) and wait until the kicking stops. Everything has season, which means I can promise you with 100% accuracy that whatever you’re struggling with won’t last.
From guy to guy: Take a moment, look yourself in the mirror, decide to fight back and make the most of every opportunity you have, thank God for every one of them, then put your balls back in your pants and start swinging. You can do this. That’s why it’s happening. Life is giving yoiu the opportunity to morph into something better.
How cool is that!?!