I had a young man ask me today about one of my sisters. He wanted to know why she didn’t talk to him, return his texts and so on. My response is something I wanted to place before you, not because I’m expecting anyone to agree with me, but because I think it’s a mode of thought worth pursuing.
Understand that I have some strong old time values, and I try very hard to think them through and have a principle based reason for them. I raise my family and protect my family by them. They are not negotiable. I don’t force them upon anyone…but I do hold them up and require others to abide my them if they socialize with us.
The issue is communication between the opposite sex. It’s become casual in society, especially with technology, where you can have private conversations in an instant. Say anything, share anything, and mom and dad don’t have to know a thing. Text, text, text, phone calls, instant messaging, Facebook private messages and so on…
Well, as a father and husband, relationships are very sacred things to me. Emotions are to be shared with certain people IMO and my associations are not taken lightly or casually. This goes double for my kids. I tell my children not to take their friendships casually. I have great and lasting honor for my friends. Text and private time with the opposite sex doesn’t make sense to me, unless you’re courting (notice I don’t use the word “date”). Why do you need it when nothing and I repeat, NOTHING good can come of it, other than opportunities for bad things to happen?
So my counsel was this: I strongly encourage my sisters NOT to talk to men, respond to texts or have phone conversations casually. Why? Well, first off because there’s no need to associate with a man privately when you can have all the polite conversation and social engagement in a general setting with others around. If you argue that point with me, my question is simple: what is your intent? Why do you NEED to have ‘private time’ with the opposite sex if there’s ‘nothing going on’?
Secondly, just because you have the technology to have a conversation and get around the father/big brother barriers with the click of a button, doesn’t mean you should. If this were 100 years ago, would the father of that lovely girl want you to casually grab her arm and skirt her off to a side room to talk privately?
Not likely.
I wish our society had better standards. I’m not going to hold my breath.
However, I will stand by the standard that a male who tries to get around the moral structures of a family openly challenges the protective powers that be. In layman’s terms, ‘yer asking ta get a whoopin bucko.’
It’s the standard I require of guys who show up on my doorstep, and the same standard I drill into my sons. So argue with me if you like, but I would wager your father and mother, whether they agree with me or not, would appreciate a man with honor and respect knocking on their door, rather than the alternative.
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Id like to add a few things to that, Jaime, if i may.
One being that I, as a brother, look for these things in someone interested in my own sisters, and found myself looking in the mirror to how i treat those of the opposite sex. I didn’t like the idea of my parents knowing what i was doing. Why? i had to look at what i was doing, because as a son esp being under 18 and living at home its their business. It took some getting used to but if at any time my father or mother wants to know what im saying or doing then i show them, because i have nothing to hide. i do things openly, and have thus earned the respect and like of the brothers and fathers of the young women i associate with. When i finally realized that relationships like we have in our society esp in teens are just openings for trouble, such as being alone, physical…casualness that is considered okay, in touches, hugs, holding hands etc, i wanted something better. Its hard but guess what? I have a young woman’s respect, i have her parents respect, i have self respect, and i can sleep well at night, knowing that im above the level our society has sank to.
To you young men, sometimes its seems stupid, fruitless, and just…not needed. But you earn trust and respect, you create a stronger bond, deeper, and so much more rewarding. Rise above our society and youll find yourself so so so much happier
Evan
I agree, as a single guy, I’ve seen the dangers and learned some things the hard way. But I have set this standard for myself, if its not something I would want a guy to do with one of my daughters, I don’t do it. Sometimes its so easy to fall prey to the idea that just a little bending of the rules can’t hurt. But it Always Does! You cannot bend a rule and hope it doesn’t break, its too risky, a man would not use a straw as a cane or a willow as a staff. It won’t hold up when you need it to.
I appreciate both yours and Evans comments Karl. I am also glad to see you keeping to a standard for yourself.
This is not an easy subject for many people, for a variety of reasons and on several social media accounts there have been some arguments (one sided from them I assure you) about the strict nature of my comments. However, i would suggest that those who have no desire to cause harm, those who honor the opposite sex (that’s men AND women, BTW) and those who seek to keep a clean reputation have no fear of this point of view.
This doesn’t have to be defended. The question always comes back to “why do you have to have a private conversation?”
The only answers that are revealed is ill intent on someone’s part, including rebellion against anyone telling them what they can and cannot do.
That’s fine, but call it what it is…which has nothing to do with the value of this article or line of thought.
Thanks for your comment Karl.