Security: Giving a Child ‘Structure’

Posted by Jaime Buckley in Fatherhood, Featured Articles, Jaimes Journal, Parenting, Rights of a Child | 0 comments

Since my oldest was born, Ditto, who’s now 18, we had a bed time ritual and lights out of 7:00pm. That meant after dinner we would get the little ones cleaned up, into the PJ’s and then settle down for a bed time story, sometimes two, where they could cuddle on mom and dad’s bed and have time directed to their entertainment. Hugs and kisses after that as we tucked them into bed.

Now, I never had that when I was growing up. Kathi on the other hand, talks about how her mother tucked her in up until she was 16 years old. Not the stories, but coming in and checking on her, sitting on her bedside and telling Kathi she was loved. I thought that was a bit strange the first time she told me, but then I sat back and looked at both of us. A quick glance over our personalities created an instant desire to follow in my mother-in-laws footsteps.

Over the years we had variations which included a couple years where I would spend almost an hour each night acting out stories by candle light or singing them songs (not me, heaven forbid—Kathi), but always sticking to the schedule of the 7:00pm ritual.

Over the past couple of years we have not kept that schedule and it has shown. Simon and Carley have become unruly, the older children quickly took liberties which were not theirs and suddenly mom and dad lost every second of their ‘down time’ to recuperate before the daily challenges would start again. Anyone with more than on child knows they need to have their batteries replenished with other adults each day to deal with the world of Sesame Street.

Yet it’s not just for the parents that these rituals should be initiated. It’s for the mental and emotional structure of our children. It happens to be something they can count on. Something to bring comfort when the world simply throws you about. Think of it as a nap schedule for the babies. You know a child needs a nap in the day. They all do at some time in their infant stage, or their systems get too taxed. So you lay them down and that miniature troll miraculously becomes an angel once more, once that nap quota has been filled. Needless to say we are back on schedule with not only Carley and Simon, but also with Jami Taylor and Ethany, both a tad older, but also in need of mom and dad time.

Harmony in the home is established once more.

Now what about our teenagers?

Same rule applies. All youth, so long as they are under your care and under your roof, need structure. Something they can count on until they can create structure for themselves. What some tend to miss, is that law and order (in this case it becomes the rules of your family) establish peace and create an environment of structure needed for freedom of thought, action and happiness. It helps youth know their bounds and to reenforce their responsibilities, keeping them accountable—which is what todays society seriously lacks, IMO.

Structure helps a child develop his/her mental faculties and reasoning abilities. Their discernment between right and wrong, acceptable behavior and not as well as embedding your own parental expectations for them as your children. These should all be measured out in love, patience and encouragement.

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