Rights of a Child: Love (Part 2)
Yesterday I talked about different types of love and about confronting my own children and Sunday School class about my feelings towards them. In all cases, they knew without doubt that I loved them. Not just my own children, but the kids I teach.
I believe Love is the foundation of being a parent. Yet we have bad examples around us in society beating upon us and especially our kids, which erode the meaning of ‘I love you’ to something said in passing…if anything at all. “I love ya.”
Carley can laugh in such a unique way, which brings anyone who hears her to giggling tears as well!
No.
I tell my children “I love you.”
If they say they love me, I reply with “I love you back.”
Try saying that specifically to your child and see if you feel a difference in your own heart.
I believe loving a child should be principle based, not personality based. It still has emotion attached TO it, but it’s not based UPON it. I love my child for the simple reason that he/she exists, regardless of a tantrum, a bad choice or a mistake. I love them because they are unique, because they are an unknown potential and because in each of them is an unlimited line of more unique beings (a line of posterity), that without this one child…will never exist.
That’s what I see in my child: an endless line of life and brilliance. I also find myself feeling love for other children (and adults for that matter) for the same reasons.
There are times when youth come to me when they will no longer talk with their parents. I’m talking about college students and married couples who come visit with me. Why? They tell me it’s because of our history. Because my love is not dependent on their actions and we have an established relationship of honesty with one another that they need not fear. Because I don’t base my love on emotions, the challenge at hand doesn’t sway my council or my desire to care for them. It has provided opportunities to instruct children when they might not listen to their own parents, and in many instances, giving me the opportunity to point out and validate a parents decision.
Children are anything but stupid. A child will feel this principle based love to the bone, which presents and reinforces itself through rough experiences, trials and challenges, long after the emotion of a hug or a kiss has worn off.
Principle based love is what you can count on.
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The BIG Lagoon
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My favorite saying is “Love without expectations” I often tell my own children this. I don’t expect them to be or do anything. I just love them. Now, do I want them to be or do something? Of course! But I still love them! If you ever get a moment, you should read the book “The Shack” by W. Paul Young. He helped me to understand the joy of just loving!
Though we have expectations for our children (as I believe any decent parent should), it should not be a condition to be loved. Every opportunity, however, should be taken (again, IMO only) to constructively link our love to teaching a child in the path they should walk. The path which leads to a refined life, full of promise and opportunity and growth.
In my own life it has proven to cement that love I naturally feel in the minds and hearts of my children as well as children I teach. They see that the love is given regardless, but learning experiences become more pleasant as you gain the confidence of the child.
Expectations are a good thing to be sure, but again, not as a price for love.
Thank you Amanda.
I have expanded the above article to better define my example of a ‘principle-based’ love. I hope it helps.
-Jaime